Monday Mental Mucking

Wow, today I got hit with a real whammy that was unexpected. First, my declutters.

Today I took library books back and paid a fine - bigger than usual cuz one book was new and due back a week earlier than the others. D'oh! I often miss the due date by a day but this one was a week. I also recycled an expired coupon.

Oh, last night I also recycled a postcard I got in the mail. It was totally wasted advertising, for a mayor who is in his third term and presumably a lame duck. All I can say is, that better not be city money getting used for this.

Results: So today I got a call from someone who's been wanting me to come do some work for awhile, but due to various things we haven't been able to get together. She had emailed that she was in PA, and I'm looking to do some networking there for my business, so I mentioned it in my reply. So when she called that was the first thing she asked. Turns out her husband is from PA, and she said they'd be happy to send my website to people to check out being customers! So that was really awesome, especially since she only knows me through a referral. That's what I call above and beyond! Then we set up a time to meet this week.

I did some tax stuff that I needed to get done, so now I'm ready to file my taxes. And then it was getting to be time to follow through on the call I made last Wednesday. I found myself exceedingly nervous. Tried some different methods to release the feelings, and finally did some tapping on it. And the dam burst - all these upsetting feelings came welling up. I found myself feeling that I shouldn't be asking for help, that I didn't deserve help, that I was a taker and always looking for what I can get out of something, that no one would want to help me - so much weird stuff. I tapped for several minutes till it subsided a bit, and then I called my friend. He didn't answer so I left a message outlining what I wanted to do. Sometimes it's easier to leave a message with busy people - I don't feel like I'm imposing then and they can call me back at their leisure.

But I just found it very eye-opening to see what underlies my reluctance to ask people for help. I thought maybe I had some weird family independent thing, but it's really about deserving. So much comes back to that. It's pervasive and I bet people would be happier if they dealt with this one issue.