The Rest of the Week

It's gonna be a little sketchy cuz so much has happened this week and I don't remember all of it.

On Tuesday, I lost a glove at Target. Inadvertent declutter.

On Wednesday I forgot to take my shreddables to work. I had a massive headache but after working I got together with a friend I hadn't seen in a couple years, and we talked for hours! It was wonderful, and lo and behold, my headache was gone at the end of it :) She needs some help so I will likely be doing some work for her in the near future.

On Thursday I forgot my shreddables again. I went straight home after work and didn't do much that I recall.

On Friday I paid four bills and recycled the envelopes and inserts from two of them. I moved some money around and got a balance transfer to pay down another debt before I close all my accounts and go on hardship programs preparatory to determining my own debt repayment schedule. I have to open a new bank account soon because Chase is going to start charging an exorbitant fee and is making it impossible for me to avoid it. Not impossible for others, but for me it will be pretty much impossible. So I have to pay off my taxes before I close the account because it took them forever to get me on an auto-payment schedule and I won't be able to just switch them over. Hence the balance transfer.

I also had another inadvertent declutter in that a friend who wanted to be more dumped me as a friend. I was upset at first cuz he seemed so unreasonable - I told him I'm in a committed relationship, and he wanted me to date him anyway! I was not up for this, so he more or less accused me of leading him on, which I never did. I was interested at one point months ago, but decided against it because he couldn't answer a simple question about what he wanted from it. He disappeared for two months and then showed up still wanting this. When I told him my circumstances had changed, he basically blamed me for basically living my life in his absence. A little irrational, I thought.

It finally dawned on me that the poor guy must have been suffering from an extreme case of chemical attraction - the kind where you want someone so much you get a little nuts and pretty much scare the object of your attention off because they feel like you want to consume them. It feels really icky to be on the receiving end of that. And it feels AWFUL to want someone so much and not get anywhere, so I know what he's going through. It's a good thing that he doesn't want to be friends - he couldn't really be my friend with this going on anyway. His previous agreement to be friends was only in the hopes of something happening. It's always that way in these situations - I've had so many guys say they still wanted to be friends. One of them had used put-downs to try to convince me that I needed to be with him, and then said I should be his friend anyway! I asked him why he'd want to be friends with me if I was such a loser? That actually happened with TWO guys.

Anyhow, extreme chemical attraction = not a good place to go for romance! I learned that from PAX. Great company, really helpful in understanding the differences between men and women and how to make relationships better as a result. I highly recommend their workshops, and they have a free intro! Go here for more information: www.understandmen.com

On Saturday I deleted 24 emails. And I had yet ANOTHER inadvertent declutter. I bought knitting needles and they were lost before I got them home. I am hoping that either they will turn up at the apartment of the friends I hung out with before going home, or that the store - Michael's - will replace them since their cheap plastic bag is the reason I lost them - the package of needles actually slit the bag and fell out. There is a slit the exact size of the package. This is a seriously crappy bag and they are going to hear about it because that's $5 that is basically thrown away.

Today, though, I watched a video that elevated me to a state of feeling so good that the money troubles aren't bothering me, the knitting needles aren't bothering me, and the mess in my house isn't bothering me. I feel full of energy to get things done - especially weird because it's a rainy day and I usually just want to sleep on those days. I see the big picture and none of this little experiential stuff matters. I feel the power of who I am and there are no worries in that.

Results: I found a quarter and a penny last night and got a free ride home on the subway by someone who said he worked in the station (I'm not so sure about that now, he wasn't dressed like an MTA employee)! Also have been finding pennies almost daily this week. And of course I've had good times with friends this week :)

Time to do some work!